It's amazing how much I put the faith of my memories into things around me.. I can't remember more than half of the things I did in Japan without looking at journal entries or seeing things that I forgot people gave me or that I won at some stupid Pachinko arcade (the kids' version). I threw away old bus cards, phone cards, business cards, pictures, cards, letters, defunct jewelry, all my old paystubs.. a complete manicure set that never worked.. and donated this other stuff...
I kept trying to use Kristin's old mantra when throwing stuff away at the end of the year when moving out.. "if you can get another one, throw it out."
At one point I started crying when I threw out the old japanese receipts, the bus cards and phone cards and drink cards and movie rental cards... It was like admitting to myself that that was completely gone. Like saying to myself that I would forget those things and forget what Japan was like all together and never return. I know that's ludicrous.. but as I wrote in a letter last night, we are not rational beings, really. But, I thought this was stupid. And I thought that really, this is what I am doing.. trying to distance myself from the stuff, and become someone who appreciates people more. I've been taking them for granted a lot. That doesn't mean I have to love everyone, just act like I love the people that I love. I'm tired of this closed-off shit.
So. That was the easy part. My room looks much more bare, but not purged. It's time for me to go through my cd's and movies and games.. and then my trunk of stuff I keep from high school. And apply for a new job, get out of the house during the day, and then get out of the house. Moving is the pinnacle of my plan. Is that sad? And I'm 24? This time period sucks.
So. Today I am going to compile a file of all of my massage records, and try to come up with a clientele list. I'm thinking about throwing out my old cards and getting new ones made up, with a thicker stock paper, and maybe some "linen" texturing and glossed lettering. I think I might be ready to start my own business soon; I just need to have a reliable (and attractive) room available. I might also work on those fliers I never made for the spa in the fall.. hehe, oops.
And I'm going to look at Case Manager jobs and other psychology-related jobs available. If you know of any available in the area, let me know. kthx.