zombie attack


I need to not post in the morning.

I feel much better at night AFTER work. Ugh.

Also, today is 9/09/09... And earlier it was 9:09, 9/9/09/. And it will be again at 9:09pm.

And the Beatles rock band apparently comes out today.

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9......

  • Current Mood
    amused amused
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Holy crap...

Just found a ghost from my past on Myspace. I don't know whether it was a bad idea to friend him or not. We were like best friends for a couple years, but when he left Japan it ended badly. It's probably been long enough to just forget about it all (9years). Also we were like 15 at the time.. but still, my first impulse was "oh hey that's cool," but now I am thinking "maybe I didn't want to do that."

I've been trying to make a balance between letting people into my life, letting myself be open, and not letting the trouble through. It's freaking hard.
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    bored bored
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(no subject)

Got that promotion I was supposed to get over a year ago. *le sigh* Minimal raise, but enough to at least make me afford gas without freaking out. And possible benefits, depending on how many hours they can scrounge up for me.

Now the hard part is going to be telling Louella that I can no longer work Thursdays for her because she hasn't had a Thurs appointment for me in months and I need to pick up another day at Brookstone. It's not that I feel bad about it, I just don't want to argue with her because I keep taking time off on the days I'm supposed to be on call for her. I like doing massages, but the work is so unsteady that I cannot rely on it to be there at all. But if it were there for me one or two days a week, while I'm working full time elsewhere, it would be sweet to be making an extra 100 to 200 a week.

But having to do my own business taxes at the end of the year kinda sucks, especially since I was supposed to file quarterly and didn't. Oops.

God, I can't wait to be making a little bit more money. How pathetic does that seem? Just a little tiny bit more.. But hey, this way I can at least go to the doctor if it so happens that I get another weird rash on my leg that looks like I was stung by a scorpion in my sleep.

In other news, apparently I've been reading so much that I am ignoring Scott. Another oops. When I get involved with books or video games to any degree, I usually get obsessed and end up ignoring everything else. Hehe.

I want to have a camp-out sleep over in my back yard as soon as the weather clears up. I have a wood burning stove in my back yard we can use to make smores and roast dogs and mallows, and we can use my tents and sleeping bags and play raucous music and drink and what-not. Just, everyone has to promise that they won't sleep-walk into the pool..... And the fence will be double-locked to prevent drunken walking into traffic behind my house. What's everyone think??
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Cut in case you only wanna see sunshine and happiness.
I am sleepy, but still happy coz I got a little message from the company I applied to be a legal secretary for. Really they were only asking me to change the format on my resume/cover letter so they could read it, but at least she made an effort to look, so that's cool.

And I just finished reading that lovely new teen Vampire Romance soft-core porn novel, Twilight! It's fantastic for a fast and fun read. I can't wait to get my hands on New Moon. Hopefully tomorrow.
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    stressed stressed
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RARRRR I am going to make some new icons soon. When I get a new job and have a single day off.
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    cranky cranky
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not really thinking

I've been finding it hard to keep up with all of the online typing these days. There's this, facebook, myspace.. email, license applications.. Just too much writing for my tiny brains these days.

This weekend I got a Wii Fit, used it for hours, got ready for clients that cancelled on me at the spa, saw Batman in the iMax theatre, ate chinese food, took a Hot Stone Massage class, went to a baseball game (13 innings, 6pm to 10pm, and Speedy signed my Daniel Briere hat-I wanted to kill him), went to church, spent all afternoon and night at inventory at work.

That was Thursday-Sunday, totally booked up. Also, I am very sore. And bloaty from over-eating. It was totally worth it.

Yes, I am still vegetarian. I'm having a hard time with vegan, but my skin is wreaking havoc again now that I am eating dairy.

I'm trying to apply for like, 5 new jobs. But I'm having a hard time finding time to apply. I spent way too much money this month already (yes, in the last 10 days), so I can't really take any time OFF work, but I'm not making enough to keep working there, either. Wow, what a predicament. Stupid jobs.

I guess that's pretty much it. Love y'all.
  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy
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Lots of thoughts lately

I love that Scott will listen to me when I am having an attack of worry or depression, or just a fit of sadness. Even if it's over nothing at all. I love that he tries to be consistent. He's amazing when he's determined. His love for me is the most unconditional I have ever experienced. (Romantically.) He really expects nothing from me, and gives me everything.

Just thought I'd say that even after 6 years he's surprising me and winning me over every day.

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Whew, that one was long.

I'm working on being more confident. (But not arrogant.) I caught myself a good five times wanting to put myself down in this entry alone.. that's in my journal that people read. Imagine what I think that never gets said! So anyway, I think it's time for me to really start loving myself. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's all more self-improvement bull, but no really.. I need this. As Penma Chodron said, "I don't want to die bleeding to death from scratching." I want to learn to live in the moment again, and be still, and feel without judging or having to act.

I want to be able to say, "there's that feeling of emptiness, loneliness, hunger, longing for something self-destructive," and be able to feel the pain and fire of it wash over me without harming me. Understanding, knowing.. but ultimately learning to overcome these feelings with appropriate reactions. It might be easier if I went on vacation to do this, but I suppose that would defeat the purpose.
zombie attack

yume ni naru~

I am so happy my computer is running so well again.. I still might have to do a defrag and clean out my files.. it's slow. The net is running so shitty right now, too.. I think I'd get better 'net if I just muched about on UD campus. Sure, I'd only get access to their website... Maybe I should just do all my surfing at Shaggy's or Brew-Ha-Ha. I'm not above becoming a coffee house rat.

So. Three hours of massaging today, and an hour tomorrow.. 5 appts thus far. I would not be too amazed if I got two walk-ins tomorrow. I kinda hope I do and kinda hope I don't. I'm really restless tired tonight and don't know how long it'll take me to go to sleep, and I might feel all sore tomorrow.. but on the other hand, money is very good for me. Very good.
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For those of you who chose to avoid my money ramblings.. the sum of it all is this: I have vowed not to spend money I put in my savings account. I will get one or two more spa jobs so I can get out of brookstone and make decent money. But I have to do my homework and find places close by with decent clientel.

Also, I'm going to try to study Japanese again. I'd like to get to the point where I can read authentic manga or watch anime raws. Not for the purpose of those two acts, just because I feel as though, having lived there four years and studied japanese during that time, and two years in college, that I should know more than I do. I've forgotten way too much. And who knows, it might come in handy. I'm also thinking of getting the Spanish tutor for the DS. It looks helpful, and I know absolutely no Spanish. My whole life I've said I thought it was an ugly language, but I think I was full of shit. I think I just didn't want to take the time to learn a language that I thought people living in our country shouldn't have to know how to speak. Being older and more compassionate now (and generally enjoying language), I disagree with that point of view. :)

I should probably go to bed. I hope I get more appointments tomorrow.
  • Current Music
    Driving Sideways~Aimee Mann
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i love DE in the spring time

OK,  so yesterday was a study of my impatience. I am impatient with people, and should learn to control my urges to criticize and make fun. 

Did not look for jobs. Did not exercise. Ate like crap, drank 3 beers. Whatever.

My computer froze in boot mode for a long time.. I turned it off and took out the battery, letting them "cool off". My iPod froze, too, in the middle of a Sync, so it said "Do Not Disconnect" for most of the day till it ran out of batteries. I reconnected it this morning, after my computer booted up correctly and I backed up my music... And for now all is right in the world again.

Depending on other factors.. when my current computer dies, I think my next computer will be a Mac. I've always been a PC person, but as long as computer make no sense to me right now anyway, I might as well try something completely different as see how I like it. I MIGHT go with an "Air" depending on the reviews. My current laptop is only 3 years old.. Middle aged in computer years, but not ancient yet. I can still fix it and soup it up. I might do a complete system recovery and just reorganize my files back onto the comp to see how it makes her run. 

I am also cosidering getting that awesome template that Margoyle has.. I have been itching to do some artsy stuff lately. 

For those who care, Rob W is coming home next Wednesday. We still do not know what we are doing for his homecoming. I'm thinking barbeque since he keeps telling me with a watering mouth that he want cheeseburgers as soon as he gets home. Cheeseburgers and DFH. Either way, this means next week we get to bust into the beer Scott made for his homecoming. Sweet.

I am trying to make as much money a I can in the next few weeks before I take my two weeks of vacation, not only so I can pay my bills over that time, and have a little money to spend when we are there and fun stuff.. But I am so over living at home that I am desperate to get out. I will work three jobs if need be. I plan on getting out by next Spring. Trust me, it will take at least that long. Unless some willing friend takes me under their wing and allows me to stay with them for like 200/mo, which would be UNREASONABLE for me to expect.. or ask.. At this point I would settle for living two to a one bedroom.. which would work out great if Scott were ready to move out, but he's not. So, whatever. 

Does anyone know of any relays/charities/tournaments that are happening soon? I am doing promotions on massage and would like to look at those groups. kthx luv ya bye
  • Current Music
    Momentum- Aimee Mann
zombie attack

Can't believe I was so attached..

 It's amazing how much I put the faith of my memories into things around me.. I can't remember more than half of the things I did in Japan without looking at journal entries or seeing things that I forgot people gave me or that I won at some stupid Pachinko arcade (the kids' version). I threw away old bus cards, phone cards, business cards, pictures, cards, letters, defunct jewelry, all my old paystubs.. a complete manicure set that never worked.. and donated this other stuff...

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I kept trying to use Kristin's old mantra when throwing stuff away at the end of the year when moving out.. "if you can get another one, throw it out."

At one point I started crying when I threw out the old japanese receipts, the bus cards and phone cards and drink cards and movie rental cards... It was like admitting to myself that that was completely gone. Like saying to myself that I would forget those things and forget what Japan was like all together and never return. I know that's ludicrous.. but as I wrote in a letter last night, we are not rational beings, really. But, I thought this was stupid. And I thought that really, this is what I am doing.. trying to distance myself from the stuff, and become someone who appreciates people more. I've been taking them for granted a lot. That doesn't mean I have to love everyone, just act like I love the people that I love. I'm tired of this closed-off shit.

So. That was the easy part. My room looks much more bare, but not purged. It's time for me to go through my cd's and movies and games.. and then my trunk of stuff I keep from high school. And apply for a new job, get out of the house during the day, and then get out of the house. Moving is the pinnacle of my plan. Is that sad? And I'm 24? This time period sucks. 

So. Today I am going to compile a file of all of my massage records, and try to come up with a clientele list. I'm thinking about throwing out my old cards and getting new ones made up, with a thicker stock paper, and maybe some "linen" texturing and glossed lettering. I think I might be ready to start my own business soon; I just need to have a reliable (and attractive) room available. I might also work on those fliers I never made for the spa in the fall.. hehe, oops. 

And I'm going to look at Case Manager jobs and other psychology-related jobs available. If you know of any available in the area, let me know. kthx.